Flashback Friday

 

Feeling nostalgic today looking back at some old pics. Time just seems to speed by watching your babies grow up. Trying to slow down these days and just ENJOY the time I get to have with family :)

Organ Trafficking

I have heard that a lot of people in China believe that the "foreigners" adopt children to harvest their organs.  As crazy as that sounds, here is a recent story of why they might believe it: China Eye Gouging. 

I hate that some foster families raising the orphanage children still believe that this is why families adopt their precious children.  Heartbreaking.

Productive Weekend

We all had a great weekend that was even productive as well :)  CJ and C took a weekend min-vacation away to Chattanooga to get in some quality father and son time.  They spent time working on a teen program that I purchased a while back.  Apparently the program was as great as everyone said it was.  The boys had a special weekend talking about some of the "tough stuff", and it wasn't even weird or awkward for them. You can go read about the program and be sure to read the reviews here as well.  Happy that they got to spend some time together, and even happier that they really enjoyed the time away.

The rest of us spent some time hanging out with my new adorable grand niece.  The girls and I also had a night alone (T spent the night at a friends house).  We did some shopping and then some renovating!  Yes, we completely changed up one of the bathrooms this weekend.  We had some trouble with some of the parts, so my dad came through in the end to help make our project complete!  Got to love a dad who lives just down the road and still willing to help out his needy daughter :)  We finished up just in time for CJ to get home and see our work completed.  I forgot to take some before and after pics, but trust me it now looks 100% better.  Hope you all had a great weekend too.

Just Hanging Out

 

 

 

Took the kids and a few extras to the new mall to check it out. Well I did need to buy my new walking shoes for Disney...YAY! Ended the night with ice cream of course. Fun night just hanging out with my crew :)

Fun Friday

Just a few pics that make me smile. Hope you have a great weekend!

Never Attached

I am going to share some personal emails between me and Ian's new mom.  I know alot of you out there are curious.  More importantly I want to share for others who may have or are thinking about disrupting an adoption.  These emails were sent a couple of months ago.

My beginning email to her:

Subject: Visit

The kids have asked if they will ever be able to visit with Ian again.  I have put them off with a “we’ll see” each time they ask to go visit Ian.  Finally this weekend, they asked if they would EVER really get to see Ian again.  I want to be able to give them an honest answer now. 

Do you feel like a meeting together with everyone at a park would be doable?  I know the kids want to see him, but I don’t want to cause your family any extra grief.  So thought I would ask what you thought about it?

--

D

 

Her reply:

 

D,

I want you to know that we take your request very seriously and I don't want my response in any way to be conceived as flippant or insensitive.  R and I have talked about this and we have prayed about it.  Our response to a request for a visit is that it would not be appropriate in the forseeable future.  Our concern is what is in Ian's best interests and is based on how he has processed all that has happened.

Ian has chosen to deal with things by compartmentalizing and closing off the past.  He is 100% focussed out the front windshield and in his mind the rear view mirror doesn't work!  I don't want to say anything hurtful but I think it is important that you know the truth.  He does not talk about you or your family.  He has not once mentioned or asked about the other children.  I know that sounds weird but it is the way he is working through things.  After he came to us, he would get very mad if someone called him Ian Str8t.  And, it isn't just you all.  I've tried to keep in touch with Rob, but Ian wants nothing to do with him.  I had told him that Rob wanted to Skype with him before he left for China and he said "no", but I thought he would change his mind when Rob was actually online but Ian refused to talk to him.  After Kobe left, Ian has never mentioned him again.  Ian did tell me a few weeks ago that he is having nightmares about China and the fear of having to move again to another family scares him.  I try and try to reassure him that he is with us forever, but as you can imagine it is going to take a while for him to fully believe and trust that statement. 

All of that said, he is happy and well-adjusted.  He feels 100% at home.  He loves N and J and they love him.  They have become a true little trio and play together wonderfully.  Ian is NOT the same boy we brought home.  I think if you could be a fly on the wall, you would probably not even recognize that he is the same child.

We are simply not willing to open old wounds and force him to deal with things he is not ready to deal with.  What you need to know is that we care very much about your family and think of you and pray for you often. 

Blessings,

T

 

 

To which I replied:

 

Subject: Re: Visit

Although it is tough to digest after everything we put in to bringing him here, it is just more confirmation that he was not attached to us at all.  And that we made the right decision to disrupt, and more importantly that God led us to the right family for him to thrive in.  Happy to hear that everyone is doing well.

I hope that one day you will explain to him that we didn't just forget about him and go on about our lives like he was never here.  I hope he will one day come to understand that even though his past is filled with hurts and what feels like rejection, that he knows that we were part of God's plans to get him home to his true forever family.

Hope you guys are enjoying your summer together.
------

D

 

Her final response:

 

D,

I'm sure it is tough to digest as it was tough for me to even type that message.  I think you know us and our hearts well enough that we only want to do what is best for Ian and we are just trying to follow his lead. 

Certainly, we will always tell him that your family was an important part of his life and how you made sure that he found his forever family.  We are forever grateful to you for everything that you did for Ian.  We will be happy to continue to send pictures and updates any time you guys want them. 

------

 

 

So as you can see, some tough stuff.  Disrupting an adoption is permanent...for everyone, including the siblings.  S has had the hardest time with not seeing or communicating with him.  Since I have told her that we will not be able to visit, she has asked a lot less frequently.  Her little heart is finally beginning to heal I believe.  The other kids ask about him every now and then, but it is rare. 

 

Now whether or not I "agree" with the way she is handling his past, well that doesn't really matter now.  I am fully convinced though that my instincts were correct and that we did the best thing we could do for Ian to have a better future.  A future in THEIR family...not ours.

 

This is the pic from his first day of school this year.

Six Fl@gs Day

 

We picked a great day to visit the park. No lines + no heat = great day! We haven't been in a few months so we all enjoyed going back for a few hours.

Craziest weather here in the middle of August. The pool temp was only 69 yesterday, a bit chilly for my crew. Strange sending the kids off to school with jackets this time of year. Wonder what kind of crazy winter we might be in for soon?!?

Welcome Little One

 

Little Miss Autumn Grace was born this morning making her big debut. Of course I will be her favorite great Aunt :). I can't wait to get my hands on her.

Congrats Blake and Amy, welcome to the wonderful world of parenthood. Buckle up, you are in for one crazy wild ride. Best ride ever!!

Flashback Friday

OH Yeah!

I can't wait!!   We decided to go ahead and take the big Disney trip this year before C goes off to high school next year.  Plus the fact that my girls are all in prime time "magic" time to enjoy everything Disney.  We spent our honeymoon here, so it is obvious that I love love love the Disney magic.  I can't wait to share it with the girls, as this will be their first visit.  S went to Disney in Hong Kong for one day when we were there to get F.  It wasn't quite the same as a whole vacation in Orlando. 

 

Would love for you to comment with some of your tips and tricks for Disney.  Especially tips for big families with littles and tweens.  Thanks in advance :)

Looking forward to spending some family time in the happiest place on earth in October!!

Summer Camp

 

Well not exactly, but as close to a summer camp as my boys can get. They were able to spend a few nights away (without mom) at my Aunt Julia's lake house this summer. I only received a few pics since I heard they were pretty busy doing more important things. You know like fishing, canoeing, tubing :).

Oh and they must have done a lot of eating as well. C told me that Julie can cook like Nana. Trust me when I say that is a huge compliment coming from my C-lol. They had a great time and hope to get to go back next summer!!

New Chapters

I took the kids, plus a few extras, to the big pool with the high dives today. It feels like I have officially entered the "Teen Chapters" lately. There are always lots of extra kids at my house these days just hanging out. C has his first girlfriend too...sigh.

Really hoping that I enjoy the next few chapters of teen life as much as I have enjoyed the last few chapters of childhood. I have heard a few horror stories from others, but also a few great stories from others who have already made it through the teen years. Hoping for the best on this wild ride of parenthood! Heaven knows it isn't for wimps ;)

Princess E

We scored big time today at a yard sale. A Cinderella dress, real Disney princess shoes, 2 crowns and a princess wand...for only $12!! As you can see, Miss E makes the perfect little princess :)

Blast From the Past

 

Ash-sa-Lee is a senior this year!  She was kind enough to babysit a lot for me this summer.  Too cute to see that she started loving my babies a LONG time ago J

 

Pray for Ivy Joy Today

This precious baby girl is in need of your prayers today.  You can read more about her on their blog:
http://sammonsfamily7.blogspot.com/

Post from today...

"It is with a heavy heart that I share with you tonight. I should be jumping up and down, shouting from the rooftops, praising God for these words from the transplant team" ..."Ivy's heart has made the most drastic improvement we could possibly hope for! Her function looks so much better, she doesn't even look like the same frail and ill child that strolled into our office on May 7th. Her hypertension is just about gone, even her left ventricular function has drastically improved. If I had a crystal ball, I would say, your little girl is going to end up NOT needing a transplant with this upward improvement! Congratulations!!! "
So before I ask you to pray for Ivy tonight, I ask you to rejoice and give thanks first.
It was discovered today that Ivy has a large bleed in her head. After constant sleep and recurring head pain and spells of rolling eyes and deep sleep, we were able to get a CT scan that left us numb. Grief has crushed our spirit tonight and left us sending our precious little girl in to the operating room again. Ivy has been in the operating room since 8pm. The plan is to remove half her skull, hopefully find the source of the bleed, and drain the blood. If her brain is unaffected she will come back to us with her skull stapled back on, if it is affected then they will freeze that half of her skull until the swelling is down. She is extremely high risk for heart complications due to clotting. She is also at a very high risk for a re-bleed 2-3 days after the surgery. I cannot believe this is happening. I know that we will one day understand everything. I trust that God has my baby girl in his palm, and yet as a human, as a mommy, as a sinner saved by God's grace, I still just do not understand why? When will this baby get a break? When will these trials end? I am ready for Jesus to come back and take us all home and rescue us all from this suffering."

Things About the Adopters

This is for all my friends currently adopting.  Don't worry I have been all these things and then some during the PROCESS!!

Dear Friends of Waiting Adoptive Moms: Some Things To Know by the author at Wondermentetc.com

1. Your friend is not crazy. (She is adopting.)

There is, I will admit, a fine line between those two but still it’s good to remember. The international adoption of a child requires enough paperwork to kill a small forest. And more governmental red tape than you can believe. Imagine your longest, most frustrating trip to the DMV. Now quadruple that, add in twelve more governmental agencies in two countries, and remember it’s not a driver’s license you’re waiting for but the final piece of paper that says this family you’re creating can finally, finally be together. Yeah. Not crazy. But close.

2. She loves a child she’s never met.

It’s possible. So possible. It’s irrational and crazy but it’s reality. Does she love them like she will once she gets to know them? No. But she loves them. She wakes up loving them and goes to sleep loving them. She drives to the grocery story and aches to have them safe and snug in the carseat waiting for them. She pushes her cart around the store and hears a child cry and her heart pounds wondering if her child is crying? Alone? Hungry? She might even have to leave an entire grocery cart full of food in the yogurt aisle to go home and cry because it just is too hard. Way too hard.

3. It’s difficult having your heart on the other side of the world.

 To people on the outside they don’t look like our kids, on paper they might not be our kids yet. But in our hearts we love these children like they are and yet we’re not together. We’re moms without children. It’s an ache that doesn’t go away. It starts before we see their faces and only ends when they’re in our arms. So we walk about with half our heart missing. It’s hard to breathe, to think, to speak. Something always feels missing. Because they are.

4. She is addicted to her email.

It’s okay. This is a temporary condition and most make a full recovery. It can be diagnosed by refusal to allow separation from her smart phone, or glassy-eyed concentration as she clicks “refresh” over and over and over on her computer. Other signs may include: waking up in the middle of the night to check because it’s X time over there, and muttering aloud “must get home, must check for update, must get home” while out in public.

5. Her child has been through trauma.

If she’s like a lot of moms she won’t be advertising that fact everywhere because she respects her child’s privacy. But children don’t come to the place of needing a second family because they were placed in a cabbage patch by unicorns and leprechauns. Adoption comes from loss. Loss she will see in her child’s eyes and in their heart. Loss that as a mama can make your soul curl up in a ball for an ugly cry. So don’t tell her the kids are lucky. You wouldn’t tell a person who lost an arm that they’re lucky to have a prosthetic one would you? I mean yeah, they are lucky to have that replacement. But you know what would be luckier? Not losing that arm in the first place. So please be understanding. Also, maybe instead of asking for her child’s story outright ask “are you sharing about his history before you?” That gives her a chance to either answer you or bow out graciously.

6. Adoption isn’t pregnancy.

It just isn’t. Well, it is in that at the end of it the hope is to have a new son or daughter in your arms. But I’ve yet to meet a pregnant woman who wonders how old her child will be upon entry into the family. Adoption is different. There is no due date for us. Let that sink in. No due date. And even given preemies and late arrivals with the baby by stork method you have a narrow months-long window of time in which the baby will arrive. That brings us to point number seven.

7. She probably doesn’t know when the child is coming home.

And she has probably been asked this approximately twelve times that day. Because you, her awesome friends, care about her! (And also you secretly worry she’s going a little nuts, see point #1.) And I get it. It’s hard with adoption because you don’t know what to ask. I feel that way with pregnant ladies, like what am I supposed to say? “Your ankles really don’t look that bad do they?” Recently I learned the always safe phrase “you look great – how is baby doing?”, the adoption equivalent is “I know you must miss your kiddos, how is the adoption going?” Or, if you don’t have time to have her break down and cry all over you try the even safer “can I see your latest update pictures?” and then ooh and aww over their cute faces. Even if the pictures are horrible say something positive. I mean I don’t tell people that their sonogram pictures sometimes look like aliens made of bread dough. (Except yours Amy B. Yours is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen.)

8. She isn’t sure they’re coming home.

This is the part of the adoption process that makes you want to crawl under your bed and not come out until it’s safe again. This is the part that tears you soul in two. This is the part that you wake up in the morning remembering and going to bed at night fearing. Because there are no guarantees. And that’s hard. No, not hard. It’s gut-wrenching. It’s not just the fear that your child might die before having a family, it’s that this child you love with every ounce of your being might grow up in an orphanage, on the streets, or worse.

9. Your friend is kind of stupid.

I know. That’s harsh. But it’s true. You try operating on a daily basis with only half your heart and half your brain, because that’s what it’s like. ‘Cause they other half of you is wrapped up in a tiny person who is half a world and what feels like a lifetime away. Also, because of the time zone difference it means that half of you is awake pretty much all the time.

10. She doesn’t need to hear your HAS (horrible adoption stories.)

Yes, I know, everyone knows of someone’s uncle’s neighbor who adopted a child and then the child burned down the school with the power of her mind after her classmates dumped a bucket of pigs blood on her. (Oh wait, that’s the storyline of “Carrie” isn’t it?) But sharing these stories are the equivalent of telling someone hopping in a plane for their first sky-diving session “I watched this video on youtube where a guy skydived. He died. And his body was all smashed and stuff.” Maybe it’s true but it’s also not overly helpful. Unless you’re the kind of person who also goes up to pregnant woman and says “I read a book about this lady who got pregnant one time, she gave birth to a kid who became a serial killer and sewed a suit of clothes out of his victims skin. (Shoot, that’s the storyline of “Hannibal” isn’t it? Well, I tried.)

Do “Adoptive Kids” sometimes grow up and do horrible thing? Yep. You know who else grows up and does horrible things? “Vaginal kids.” So really, the warning should be more along these lines: “You’re going to be a parent huh? Good luck with that.”

11. She has probably done her research

Don’t assume she’s going into this because of a driving urge to be mistaken for Angelina Jolie. Unless she is also demanding everyone call her husband “Brad” it probably comes from some deeper place. Or you know, her husband’s name really IS Brad. Chances are she’s read books on adoptive parenting, has agonized for hours over which adoption agency to choose from. Made a decision. Then agonized some more. She’s thought about the ethical questions. And if you don’t think she has then maybe ask. “How did you pick your agency?” “What led you to X country?”

12. She looks brave on the outside, she’s brave on the inside too. But she’s also a mess

Which, I think is what mothering and loving is all about. Being a mess. Throwing your love out there and not knowing if you’re ever going to get it back. It’s scary. It’s vulnerable. It feels like you can’t breathe and when you can it hurts to do it. And you don’t want to complain about that because you picked it. So you pick up the pieces of your heart and you keep going. You keep going because at the end of the day what you go through as an adoptive mother is nothing compared to what children go through when they live their life without family. And that’s what this journey is all about.

And They're Off

The much anticipated first day of school is here!! Everyone woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed. Ask me how they wake up next Wednesday-haha. For now we will enjoy the easy happy mornings :)

F was the most excited one of all. She is SO happy to join the big kids on the real school bus. S was happy as well knowing that she gets to see all her friends from school.

T wanted to act like he wasn't happy about going back, but I know he is excited to be the big man on campus this year. C also gets to be the big guy in 8th grade this year. As you can see, he wasn't exactly ready to go when the littles were. But I guess that is the benefits of being in middle school.

 

Little E was thrilled to go to her new school. Well at least until we got there-lol. She gave a few extra hugs and kisses when I dropped her off, but no tears. Precious baby girl is off to a new world this morning with all new friends. Her teacher is experienced with having my kiddos, so I know she will do great introducing E's "little hand" to the class. Really hoping to minimize the issues with her limb difference this year. Time to focus on learning!