Why was I so compelled to go to China for this child, only to have it end like this?
Jesus willingly laid down his life for us. We are called to offer our bodies as a living sacrifice to Him. And yet the thought of laying down my life for Eliza nearly paralyzes me.
And that is what it would take for me to bring her home.
I cannot be her mother.
She drives me absolutely crazy. When I think of her standing outside my bedroom door, sitting at our table, hanging on me, reaching for my hand every thirty seconds, endlessly needing me so beyond what I can give, I feel as though my mind will explode.
I have rocked her every single day, yet the thought makes me bristle. I do not enjoy holding her. I long for the time to pass.
And how can I be so heartless?
Read the entire post here: http://mylifeingodsgarden.com/2014/08/14/the-day-i-let-her-go/
I have personally felt many of the feelings she describes in this post. Feelings that no one understands, until you've lived them...
PS: She has actually done a whole series on her "dark days" here. Very worth the read if you find yourself in a similar situation
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