Today Show's Re-homing Media Frenzy

Considering my experience, I felt that I needed to comment on all the recent media attention that is about the "Underground Adoption Network" or whatever derogatory term they are using on the Today Show this week.  If you haven't seen the reports, you can go here and read all their "investigations".  Apparently they are running something about this everyday this week, and I think it is on the evening news as well.  (I don't watch much TV, so I have only seen what I have clicked through on this site)

Another woman put a post up yesterday about her responses:  What the Today Show Forgot to Mention.

So what do I think about it?  Well on one hand, I am actually happy that someone is shedding some light on the fact that not ALL adoptions work out the way we hope they will.  On the other hand, the media on these reports are obviously only showing negatives of rehoming a child and making out the first adoptive parents to be villains.  So frankly I don't really think any "good" will come from this media frenzy, which is unfortunate.

This so called underground network shouldn't have to be "underground".  It should be public knowledge that disruptions and dissolutions and rehomings actually DO happen!  Adoption is not all about butterflies and fairy tales.  Adoption is a hard hard road for everyone involved...the birth parents, the adoptive parents, and the child.  There is nothing about adoption that isn't about loss and grief, adoption is tough stuff.  Unfortunately, the adoption community typically only wants to hear about the butterflies and happily ever afters...sigh.

I have 4 children that came to me through adoption, through loss, through grief, through the tough stuff.  Some were easier than others to integrate into our family.  I am pretty open to sharing the tough stuff to the outside world, yet some things are private and not meant for sharing outside our immediate family.  Trust me when I say that ALL of our adoptions have had their fair share of the tough stuff.  One child's tough stuff was obviously more than our family was equipped to handle.

The article speaks mainly about just passing off these adopted children, like it was nothing.  Let me say that I haven't met anyone in person or online (Yes, I belong to all the online groups mentioned in the article) that just casually decided to rehome their child.  No one spends a year in paperwork and $30K to simply one day say I don't want this child anymore...DUH.  Anyone who has adopted internationally has been put through rigorous background checks, had multiple home visits, and put out plenty of cash in order to travel to another country to bring a child into their family.  Parents who have decided to find another home for this child, have not come to that decision overnight-TRUST ME on that!

Some of the people interviewed for the article apparently lost their common sense when they decided which new family to send their child to.  Also, please note that by simply signing a power of attorney letter does not allow another family to LEGALLY adopt that child.  Just as there was a legal way for the adoptive parents to adopt from the foreign country, there is a legal way to adopt a child from a disruption.  It involves background checks, fingerprints, home studies, and attorneys.  Anyone who sends their child to some random family without researching that family is stupid...plain and simple.

I do hope that this series of articles and news reports does shed some light on the fact that there is something out there called disruptions, dissolutions, and rehoming.  I just wish that the reports included some of the successful rehoming placements.  I know of many!  Adoption is much like an arranged marriage.  You are permanently paired with someone you have never met.  Some arranged marriages work out, some do not.  I don't think there should be any "shame" in accepting the fact that one child may be able to blossom in one family over another family.  All families are different, just as all children are different.  Finding the best situation for a child in your care is something that every parent must be willing to do, even if you realize that your family isn't in the child's best interest.

Last thought is that I do wish there were more resources for families who find themselves in a rehoming situation.  Even with all my connections in the adoption community, I was not aware of how anyone would go about a disruption.  Fortunately I was able to find some resources online, which is what then led me to some of the disruption-rehoming yahoo boards and facebook groups.  The first place I would advise anyone go to for information would be HERE.  This is a legal agency that has been matching children from disruptions with families successfully for many years.  They were a wonderful resource for me when I started learning more about disrupting.  I hope no one else ever has to experience a disruption or rehoming or whatever term you want to call it.  It is painful and heartbreaking for everyone involved.