Real Life

A day in the life of this single mom can sometimes be LONG…  As I was reflecting on my day last night (in the shower which is the only "alone" time I find), I thought about all the roles I played in just the one day.  Began as mom waking everyone up for school, then role shifted to play doctor as I took my heart babies to cardiologists where I have to be on top of my game in all their histories and then even learn new things about their new prognosis, shift over to role to be an employee working to support these precious gifts, next up teacher as I help with homework, and next off to be a landlord for a little while at the rental house, then make my way on to church where my role is being a leader and mentor to a group of many hurting women, and finally back home to just be a mom to attempt to catch up with my teens and spend some time hearing about their day.  As you can see, some days are longer than others.  Hardest part though in my singlehood is always feeling guilty about something.  Not giving enough and trying very hard to somehow compensate for the kids only having one involved parent.  I know in my head that nothing I do will ever replace their father choosing to not participate in their lives, but I still seem to have that dark cloud of guilt over my head most days.  

I can't imagine not having my babies with me every single day though.  They are the ones who keep me going and I wouldn't trade it for anything!!  I am hopeful that I will be able to drop the guilt cloud soon and just move on with our lives without the single mom guilt.  I do enjoy my life now, actually more than ever really :)  I am happy and the kids are doing the best they can with their losses.  Guess just wanted to post that real life still exist and some days aren't always filled with rainbows and butterflies ;)

 Psalm 94:
 17 Unless the Lord had given me help,
    I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
18 When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy.